Say cheese... please

You never smiled in my pictures.


I am so tempted to just leave this post as is, with just that one line, because I feel that is all I need to say. But for those who may actually read, I suppose I owe a thought or two to make it worth your while. And besides... I don't need to worry about you reading this and feeling exposed, you probably don't even know I have a blog.

I recently had the honest pleasure of speaking with you on the phone a week or so ago. It was the first time we had a conversation that didn't sit of the fence of being superficial and painfully truthful in over 6 months. It was actually beautiful. So, I have been thinking of you on and off, a bit more than before, but in a grateful way. With gratitude for our friendship. And in gratitude that neither of us let ourselves get in the way of that. And dont get me wrong, we still have a long way to go in moving out of our own way, but it was a giant skip foward.

When I find myself in these moments of nostalgia and quiet joy, it naturally comes across my mind once or twice how we didn't quite become what we wanted so badly to be. Everything to each other. And a complete inability to grasp how such a forceful will and heart-strong desire could not be enough to make it work.

It was in one of these moments that I pulled out a few DVDs, in amongst which I had stashed your photo album. It fell out as if on cue, and I looked at you. And then I smiled to myself. You didn't.

You never did. You would hardly ever let a picture be taken, let alone smile in it. After almost five years, I can still carry every photo of you that I own in a 10 page photo album. And half of the photos are of your apartment. And I just needed to let you know.

You can take it as an explanation, or as a complaint, or anything you need it to be. Because it is everything I need it to be. Its sad, its angry, its humorous, its mournful, its sarcastic, its me. It was always me begging you from the other side of the lense...

say cheese - please