Still hanging

sorry it has been over two months... I guess time flies as it drags...

So, there is this ropes course at Camp. About 60 feet up in the air in the middle of the woods. You climb up, with loads of harnessing and helmeting. Hook yourself onto the trees with carabeaners (spelt awfully) and try to enjoy the view without letting your knees shake too much. You walk across wires, you swing on vines, walk balance beams, shuffle horizontally across the sky with ropes in your hands and feet keeping you flat so you don't fall. And then there is the big finale- the zip cord. You stand at the platform and detach from the trees and hook up to a pulley, and fly. Over a gorge. You fly. And then someone catches you and takes you down at the bottom.

I have found myself thinking incessantly about camp these past few months. I think its due in part to the complete joy of life I experience there. Whether its on the bay in a sailboat dodging freighters, or on the soccer field, or suspended in the air in the woods, or as I recently discovered, on the tennis court blasting the ball, I cannot get enough of it- ever. And of course this year was even more difficult- because of the added bonus...

So, quite appropriately I have found an analogy to suit my needs. The ropes course.

I spent over four years on the ropes course. Tackling every new challenge with a great excited spirit and hooked onto it for better or for worse. I learned a lot about myself up there and only looked down a few times, but mostly I never wanted to get out of the trees. I loved it there.

I guess it couldn't last forever ( a concept with which I am still battling) and the time came to get out of the trees. It took a lot of preperation and prayer to have the courage to step onto the platform and to actually disconnect from the trees. It was terrifying. There was so much of me that didn't ever want to leave. And I could fall- I was no longer hooked onto anything but a pulley. But I did. And I sat there on the edge of the platform, seperate from the ropes course- waiting for the next part. Fighting every urge to stand up and reconnect with the trees.

And then out of the blue- I was hooked up to the zip cord. I was connected to a string hanging over a gorge, and I jumped! I don't know how, but I did, and I flew... it was b e a utiful.

And it was over as soon as it began. I was at the bottom ready for the catchers to bring over the ladder and pull me down. But they didn't. I looked all over and called for the catchers to help me out, but no one came. I was left hanging about 20 feet up in the air by my harness- which gets painful after about 30 seconds and really painful after a minute. And still they didn't come.

I have been hangning now, painfully so, for over two months. Missing both the ropes course and the zip cord- and unable to get to either of them. The bottom of the zip cord is at the bottom of the gorge, and there is no way to get back up. Physics won't allow it. But the longer I hang here, the more and more I actually consider grabing hold of the wire above me from which I hang and pulling myself uphill. It would take days. I would fail more times than I could stand. I would get wire rope burns and sweat and be out of breath. I would be miserable. But I cannot fight the urge.

I catch myself trying, hand over hand, small step by small step. On good days I let go and fall back to the bottom and wait. On the other days, I don't get in my way, I let myself try until my arms tire and I have to stop. But either way I am still hanging.

...faded earth tones...