Time to try again...

...posting, that is.

Not a long one, although it has been so long, I could get quite lengthy. No- just to the point.

Today I learned that friends of mine recently got married- I mean, like this weekend or something. And I didn't even know about it! Ack! I knew they were engaged, but I thought it was a little further off.

And I was shocked- cause it happened so fast- they were so sure. They are so young. And yet, there is all is. Said and done. And there are more weddings coming down the line. Four more alone that I know of this summer... and thats just people I know closely. All younger than me- save one- (same age).

It is totally throwing me. All this certainty. I am not even certain I want to be who I am, working where I am, living where I am, speaking the language I am, knowing who I do. I enjoy it all yes, and they are all good decisions, but gosh! Could I make any of those decisions for life?? I don't think so. At least not today.

I am certain of one thing. I love God. And yet, the one thing I am certain of, I screw up all the time. Some days I choose to be a bit more certain of it than others. Some days it directs my actions, other days I push it to the back. How can I be certain of anything else, when the one thing I am always certain of is never eliciting constant effort from me? Thank God HE is a benevolent God, or this relationship would have ended on date three. How can I subject another person to that tumultuous up and down? How do others choose to do so and not vomit just thinking about it or find themselves in a car driving 2,000 miles in the opposite direction?


It is so damn scary.


I used to think I would be getting closer the older I got... I just turned 25 and I feel further away than I ever have been.